Monday, May 21, 2012
Hey fuckers.
So copying dailygrace.
Man, she's awesome.
So is roseellendix and her british accent and her girlfriend.
Those are youtube people btw.
Life has been so sad.
I hate jc life so much.
I don't even know who to turn to.
I don't even know where to start ranting from.
My english is so cui now thanks to ny.
PW sucks. I hate my group.
Okay la shall not be so mean, I just dislike them.
Studies. The only thing I can do now is geog.
Failed everything else.
I need to catch up fast.
All my assignments are so overdue.
Idk what I'm doing in class.
It feels like sec3 all over again.
And I hate being unprepared.
Cos I'm scared to fail.
It's like everything I do must be a success or sth.
And so I ended up escaping from everything,
ponning lessons and schools.
Cos I'm not prepared and I don't want people to see me fail.
Lying to my classmates about my absences and stuffs.
It doesn't feel good, duh.
I hate to do this. But I still do.
It's like I don't even know how to explain it to them
And I feel damn bad afterwards.
It's not only my classmates now.
I feel like I have to lie to everyone.
Cos no one understands and they judge.
Idk how I know but I can feel it, i just do.
All this expectations you know,
I cant afford to fail with all this expectations on me.
In the NP circle, it used to be so bad just being that one in the unit.
Needed to improve drastically academically and at the same time not screw NP up.
Then CI course came and wham, it got worse.
Plus being a cedarian.
Then in school now, people expect some brainy thingy from cedarians.
And lately, floorball. I got it.
There's expectations everywhere now.
First day at area 16 camp, 'you're from cedar right'.
I mean its great, all those positions and awards,
I'm honored, thankful and grateful,
but idk whether I can live up to them.
Sometimes I don't even know how I got them.
Guess there's a price for everything.
By hook or by crooks, I still have to live up to all this shits.
Even if I die? I guess so.
Cos I can't afford to fail.
So copying dailygrace.
Man, she's awesome.
So is roseellendix and her british accent and her girlfriend.
Those are youtube people btw.
Life has been so sad.
I hate jc life so much.
I don't even know who to turn to.
I don't even know where to start ranting from.
My english is so cui now thanks to ny.
PW sucks. I hate my group.
Okay la shall not be so mean, I just dislike them.
Studies. The only thing I can do now is geog.
Failed everything else.
I need to catch up fast.
All my assignments are so overdue.
Idk what I'm doing in class.
It feels like sec3 all over again.
And I hate being unprepared.
Cos I'm scared to fail.
It's like everything I do must be a success or sth.
And so I ended up escaping from everything,
ponning lessons and schools.
Cos I'm not prepared and I don't want people to see me fail.
Lying to my classmates about my absences and stuffs.
It doesn't feel good, duh.
I hate to do this. But I still do.
It's like I don't even know how to explain it to them
And I feel damn bad afterwards.
It's not only my classmates now.
I feel like I have to lie to everyone.
Cos no one understands and they judge.
Idk how I know but I can feel it, i just do.
All this expectations you know,
I cant afford to fail with all this expectations on me.
In the NP circle, it used to be so bad just being that one in the unit.
Needed to improve drastically academically and at the same time not screw NP up.
Then CI course came and wham, it got worse.
Plus being a cedarian.
Then in school now, people expect some brainy thingy from cedarians.
And lately, floorball. I got it.
There's expectations everywhere now.
First day at area 16 camp, 'you're from cedar right'.
I mean its great, all those positions and awards,
I'm honored, thankful and grateful,
but idk whether I can live up to them.
Sometimes I don't even know how I got them.
Guess there's a price for everything.
By hook or by crooks, I still have to live up to all this shits.
Even if I die? I guess so.
Cos I can't afford to fail.